Why I’m no longer interested in ‘success’
Words by Lydia Paleschi
Recently I’ve been thinking about success and what that means to me. Whilst I’ve been feeling more content than I can ever remember, I haven’t been feeling particularly successful. I decided to spend some time answering the question: why am I feeling my best when I’m earning considerably less than I did twelve months ago and I’m single with a dodgy old car?*
First up, what constitutes success?
When we conjure up an image of success in our minds, what is it that we think of?
For some, this could be the attainment of a degree, becoming a homeowner, being in a loving relationship, possessing a designer wardrobe, having money in the bank or anything else. It is often the case that being successful coincides with some sort of status (marriage, a job title, influence) and owning some sort of ‘stuff’ (a house, a car, clothes).
Today, the proliferation of social media makes success feel more attainable than ever before. It has opened our eyes to the realm of possibility; that success is available to us all, in all manner of innovative, inspiring and outright strange ways. (Bread Face, anyone?) Whether we’re watching someone go on incredible adventures, set up their own business, or live out their wildest dreams, we are seeing the success stories of people from all walks of life placed in front of us on a daily basis.
Bread Face is an Instagram account that involves someone smushing their face into different types of bread.
The double-edged sword
The eye-opening potential of humans to achieve great things has never been more clear and our own desire to do the same has never been more compelling. Whilst this is all incredibly inspirational, constant exposure to the extraordinary can make us feel that ordinary isn’t good enough. Not only this, but the joy of success is a temporary attainment. It is human nature that as soon as we succeed, we set our bar higher. Before long we’ve almost forgotten our achievement and our focus is turned to the next goal. For example, it is rarely the case that a person receives a promotion without desiring another one in the future, or that the attainment of one gifts them with long-term happiness (that’s not to say that it can’t help).
This insatiable desire to achieve something bigger and better, plus the societal pressure and expectation that comes with being exposed to the extraordinary, is in direct juxtaposition to the foundations of self care: that we are all worthy of happiness and that we are all good enough.
Bearing this in mind whilst realising that success is synonymous with status and that people have the overwhelming need to document both theirs and other people’s successes, reveals just how closely it is linked to the opinions of others. When we tie this back to the definition of success (“the accomplishment of an aim or purpose”), it raises the question of what purpose? And more importantly, whose purpose? Is the attainment of success wholly for ourselves, or so that we can appear worthy of the praise and recognition of others?
It is human nature that as soon as we succeed, we set our bar higher. Credit: Joshua Earle.
Happy Place
What happens when we take away the need to impress others when making decisions integral to our life?
Jay Shetty, in a recent podcast on Fearne Cotton’s Happy Place, captures this concept perfectly. ”We live in a vacuum that means we aren’t just ourselves when we’re outward facing - we are our perception of other people’s perception of us, rather than our own perception of ourselves. This makes it difficult for us to work out what makes us happy.” In other words, by caring about what other people think of us, we make it more difficult for ourselves to discover happiness.** When we are predisposed with other people’s opinions, we are focusing less energy on what actually gives us meaning.
I’ve realised that life is too short to worry about what other people think of your decisions and it’s too short to not take a risk in the pursuit of happiness – or contentment. Of course, that doesn’t mean that it’s okay to go around being a dick (it’s not), nor does it mean you have to take up base jumping or buy a wing suit (but you can if you would like to). What it does mean, is that it’s important to invest in yourself and what you care about, rather than what everyone else thinks you should be doing.
I find the concept of wing suits terrifying and insane, but who am I to judge? Credit: Lane Smith.
To answer my initial question, I think I am more content now because I abandoned my goals of a high-flying career with status attached to it in favour of creating my own job where I work remotely. Whilst I may be earning less and my ‘status’ could be seen as less impressive, I am able to live the lifestyle I wish and do the things I care about – abandoning my desk without a second thought when the surf charts tell me to do so, or taking time off when the weather is suddenly nice.
Instead of focussing on big wins, I am able to celebrate small wins on a regular basis by being able to live my life for myself. That’s not to say that just because you work for someone else or you have big career aspirations you can’t be happy (we’re all different), but regardless of what you’re doing with your life at the moment and what your goals are I leave you with the following:
Are you in the pursuit of excellence in your own life or someone else’s?
*The short answer could be because I’m able to starfish the bed and get driven around by friends (pre-COVID), but that wouldn’t meet the word count I’ve set myself.
** I have issues with happiness being a goal too, instead favouring the idea of contentment, but I’ll go with it for the purposes of this blog and explain my thoughts on this more in my future writings.
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